I Have No Idea.

It’s not at all what I want to do, but it pays.  He seemed to really like me when I spoke to him on the phone just now and said that if the interview goes well I could start as early as next Wednesday.  I’m kinda really fucking excited.  

It told me I look like Larry King.  :/

Well, it could possibly be because I don’t have a job, and haven’t had one for 3 months.  No one is calling me back, no one is wanting me to interview.  It’s depressing as fuck.

Or because I have no personal space.  I don’t have a room, I don’t even have a bed.  I live with my mother.  

I need my alone time, like whoa.  I need to be able to nap when I want to and being able to fap whenever I want to would probably put me in a better mood, too.

I need friends.  I need to know someone other that mother within a 600 mile radius.  

I need to feel like an adult, pay for my own things, take care of myself.

But, what I really need is for you to stop asking me what’s wrong with me and just talk to me.  Don’t ask me if I have a job yet.  Don’t offer me suggestions for employment.  Just talk to me. And if you have to, just pretend that I’m the person I once was.  I hope to get back there soon.  

and email my resume a lot more if I’d close one or more of the 6 tumblr tabs I have open.

from the place I interviewed at over two weeks ago, the same place that I volunteer numerous hours every week.  The place that I was completely convinced was going to hire me.  I just knew that when I was hired not only was I going to have a job that I would absolutely love, but it was going to help me get my life back together.

They let me know that they’ve “considered my background and regret to inform me that they cannot hire me at this time.”  Well, it would have been pretty fucking awesome to let me know this sooner, possibly one of the 3 times I called them to follow up on my interview they could have returned my call and let me know then.  Or they could not have gotten my hopes up by having me interview with both HR and what would have been my supervisor.  Or they could fucking tell me what the fuck is wrong with my “background” that makes me so unhirable.  

I seriously don’t get the background thing.  At my last job I was considered a federal employee.  I would think that they did a pretty extensive look into my background before hiring me there.  

loving someone can be just about the worst thing ever.

There really is no need for other people to tell me that I am.  I can see it every time I look in the mirror.  Every time I try unsuccessfully to find something new to wear.  When I don’t fit comfortably into seats at the movie theater. When I can’t fit into the booth at a restaurant.  When my seatbelt cuts into me.  All the fucking time I’m reminded of it.  All day.  Every day.  I know.

But apparently, it’s hilarious for people to yell obscene comments from their moving car at me on the first beautiful day of the year when all I want to do is walk my dog.  So funny that it happened twice during my approximately 40 minute walk.  

People are assholes.

I’ve been without a job for almost 3 months now.  

Because of the fucked up job situation I left I don’t receive unemployment benefits.  I’m completely dependent on my mother for everything, from shampoo to my car payment. It makes me feel like shit. 

I have nothing to do but sit around and overthink and over-analyze everything and everyone, every situation and conversation.  Everything.  It’s causing ridiculous, unnecessary drama between the last person I would ever want it to.

I’m in a town where the only people that I know are my mom and my little sister.  I’m bored out of my mind and so lonely I seriously think I may have some sort or breakdown pretty soon.  

I really, really want that job I interviewed for last week but still haven’t heard anything back from them.

Some days I do better at pretending I’m ok than others.

I really tried to come up with something funny to say.  I obviously couldn’t.

Which was a huge improvement over my entire weekend.

It’s already gone.

Possibly related to the 3 pieces of wedding cake I had yesterday.

Or the one I had for breakfast.

Or maybe the one I’m eating right now.

The only good thing about weddings, seriously, is the cake.